


Settle

by mindabbles



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Hp_golden_age, M/M, Salt and Pepper Fest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 14:14:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10878492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mindabbles/pseuds/mindabbles
Summary: James has never wanted to settle down – or maybe he’s never wanted to settle.





	Settle

**Author's Note:**

> Characters/Pairings: James Sirius/Teddy, James/OMC, and mentions of past Teddy/Victoire  
> Rating: NC-17  
> Word Count: 9,300  
> Content/Warning(s): Some sexual content — frotting, kissing, dirty talk; a little angst and a little fluff.  
> Summary/Prompt: James has never wanted to settle down – or maybe he’s never wanted to settle.  
> A/N: What an fun prompt! Thank you for it, dear prompter. I hope you enjoy this. Thank you to the lovely mods for being wonderful and to K for the beta. Prompt: James is a perpetual bachelor. He's never wanted to settle down, really, it's not because he's been in love with his married best mate for 30+ years. But Teddy's single now, and all those suppressed feelings are beginning to resurface.

“Not bad for a bloke your age.”

“There’s some cheek,” says James, rolling away from his companion. His retort has no heat in it, and he feels no slight. He’s 20 years this man’s senior, and well, he’s not bad for a bloke his age.

The far side of the bed is cool. James enjoys the clean crispness of the sheets for just a moment. He rolls his shoulders as he sits up and one of them pops. He thinks longingly of his own bed, and its marked absence of Marcus.

Marcus isn’t a bad bloke. He’s fit and kind. He’s smart and he’s more than capable in bed. He’s as decent a bloke as James has met, and right now he’s lying in James’ guest bed, looking very satisfied and sleepy. He smiles over at James and James gives what he knows is a strained smile back. Marcus’ smile falters. He sighs.

“You want me to go,” says Marcus.

James feels what he knows is probably an irrational flare of annoyance. He tamps it down. It’s been over a month that they’ve been seeing each other and staying in the bed where they’ve fucked is probably not an unreasonable expectation. James smiles, more genuinely this time, and says, “I’m old, as you’re fond of noting. Stuck in my ways. Need my space and all that.”

Marcus shakes his head. “Someone did a job on you.” He leans over and gives James a quick kiss. “Call me sometime, if you want.”

He leaves and James tidies the guest bedroom. As he walks into his own room, he reckons that that felt a great deal like a goodbye kiss.

**********

  
Thursdays at the Leaky is one of James’ current favorite things in life. One of his favorite things, that is, when Lily is not looking at him like that.

“I thought we were going to meet Mark this weekend,” she says. Merlin she looks like Mum when she has that tone in her voice.

“Marcus,” James says, wondering as he says it why he’s bothering to correct her.

“Marcus, then,” she says.

“What was wrong with this one?” Albus asks.

“There’s nothing wrong with him,” says James.

“There’s always something wrong with them,” says Lily, raising her eyebrows at Albus conspiratorially.

They’ve been having the same conversation for 40 years. James tried to explain it to them one Thursday evening long ago – there’s never anything really wrong with the men James sees. He wouldn’t be seeing them in the first place if there was. There are a thousand little things that remind James why he’s better off single. He’s never wanted to settle down, never wanted to settle just to have someone there all the time. Lily and Albus, neither of them, ever seem to quite understand it. The only one who does seem to get it, who never harangues James about finding the one is Teddy. You'd think, after all this time, his own brother and sister might drop it, even if their contentedly coupled selves can’t really understand it.

“So, tell me about this new seeker you and Hugo have found,” James says, forcibly changing the subject.

“Yeah,” Lily says. “Hugo told me he thinks the Cannons have a shot at the cup.”

James sips his Ogden’s. This is what he wants out of his Thursday evening – a good drink, a pleasant conversation with his siblings, and then home to his own bed.

**********

  
“What’s so urgent?” James asks. He slips into the seat across the table from Teddy in the Ministry canteen. “And you’d think the Deputy Head Auror could take an important meeting at a decent café, not here on cabbage soup day.”

Teddy smiles and James forgives him the soup. He always forgives him anything. Teddy is the sort of bloke who can infuriate you to the point where you think you’ll burst a blood vessel, and then within five minutes, you’ve forgiven him and he has you smiling. He’s just so decent.

“I owe you dinner, then,” Teddy says. He slides a paper cup of tea across the table to James. “Will this help?”

James eyes the tepid tea. “Not likely,” he says. “I think that, given the alarmed look on the face of the charming young man you sent to fetch me, whatever you need from me is important enough to warrant a home-cooked meal and some of that port Dad gave you for Christmas.”

“You’re on,” says Teddy. “The grandchildren are all off in France with Victoire, so I’m rattling about by myself of an evening.”

James still can’t get used to the idea the Teddy and Victoire have split up. A small, uncomfortable part of him used to long for them to split. Ironic that, had this happened 40 years ago, James would have hoped there might be something between him and Teddy. Back then, James still sometimes thought that he might settle down with someone, could see the appeal of waking with the same person every morning.

“Sunday, then,” James says.

Teddy smiles again, and James notices how his eyes still twinkle just like they did when he was a boy. If anything, the wrinkles around his eyes only make him look even happier. “Now that we’ve completed negotiations,” says Teddy. “On to why I called you here.”

“Deputy Lupin,” interrupts the charming young man who had come to get James. “I’m sorry to interrupt.” He hesitates casting a nervous look at James.

James waves his hand to show he’s not listening as the youth leans closer to Teddy and talks in hushed tones. The man really is very fit and James takes the moment he’s given to appreciate the way his robe falls over his back and around his hips as he leans down to talk to Teddy, who’s still seated.

Teddy could have been Head Auror decades ago. He could have been Head Auror and then he would probably have followed in Aunt Hermione’s footsteps and been Minister. James had heard Teddy explain his decision more times that he could count. He’d take a deep breath and say in his even baritone, Each time you take a step up the ladder, you take a step further from the field, further from the work I love. I am as far removed now as I care to be. When I can’t work in the field anymore, I’ll retire. He’d been saying that for a while now, and he didn’t seem to show any signs of slowing down.

The young man says, “Yes, sir,” and walks away. James follows him with his gaze.

“His name is Graham, and I need him in working order, so leave him,” says Teddy.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” James says, sipping his piss-poor excuse for tea in as indignant a manner as you can sip tea from a paper cup. “Right, so tell me again what was so urgent that Graham, in perfect working order as his is, had to pull me from my day,” says James.

“It’s a bit delicate,” Teddy says. James would swear that a light blush stains his cheeks.

“What on earth?”

“We were out in the field yesterday,” says Teddy. “I, well. I suppose I zigged when I should have zagged, or something of that nature.”

“Are you hurt?” James asks quickly. He’s not a Healer, technically, but he’s worked at St. Mungo’s, in the spell damage ward, so long that he’s almost never wrong when he guesses what a Healer might do next.

“No, no,” says Teddy. “Not hurt, exactly.”

If he’s coming to James, then it can only be one thing – he must have been hit by a curse and it’s left some lingering effect. “Too proud to let the Healers at St. Mungo’s know your reflexes aren't what they used to be?”

“That’s not it,” Teddy says. Now James is certain he’s blushing and the fact that he didn’t object to the reflexes comment, well, now James is worried. “It’s a little…”

“What?” James asks. “Come on. Now you’re worrying me.”

“Never mind,” says Teddy. “I’m fine. I shouldn’t have bothered you. If it doesn’t clear up, I’ll make an appointment.”

“Blimey, now you have to tell me,” exclaims James.

“Not here,” Teddy says. “I’ll tell you more in private. You’re coming to mine at the weekend, right? We’ll talk, and Victoire’s got the last of her things out of the house. I could use some help making the place not look like someone's just moved out.”

“Someone did just move out.”

“See, this is why I always come to you. Always with the helpful, comforting words,” says Teddy, but he’s smiling.

“I’ll make it up to you with my sparkling company and expert advice.”

**********

  
Teddy’s idea of a house looking half-empty seems to be that there are a few places that could do with a vase or a photo. He and Victoire had lived in this house for decades, raised their kids here, and it still has more than enough homey things left in it.

“You doing all right?” James asks, when they have moved furniture around enough that the place doesn’t look exactly the same.

Teddy looks tired. He looks more than tired – he looks worn to the bone.

He turns from the drinks cabinet, where he is tipping out two healthy measures of a very good whisky. “Save the port for another time, eh? When we won’t spoil it with all the dust we’ve raised.”

“I didn’t ask about the drinks,” James says. Teddy is an expert at avoiding talking about himself, about anything that might be bothering him. He is always too busy helping everyone else.

Teddy sits on the sofa next to James. He’s close enough that their shoulders brush against each other. He hands James his drink and their fingers slide together and Teddy pulls away.

“I’m fine, Jamie,” he says. “You know it’s been coming for years. We just finally decided to stop living in the same house. Not much else has changed.”

They sit for a moment, their legs nearly touching, and sipping their drinks. This, this closeness and comfort with Teddy, Thursdays at the Leaky, and the occasional tryst are all he needs. They’re three drinks gone and it’s getting late by the time James realises that another evening has passed and Teddy hasn’t told him what happened to him in the field.

**********

  
“So,” Lily says, sipping on her Butterbeer. “If there were a curse of unknown origin that’s affecting someone at a particular time of day, but not others, and there seems to be no connection between when and where the curse was cast and when and where the person, er, feels the effects, how would you go about identifying what is the cursed object?”

“Um, what?” James says. He looks at his glass. He’s only finished half of it, so that’s not it.

“Oh, just answer me before Albus gets here,” Lily says impatiently.

“I have no idea what you asked me.”

“Someone we both know seems to have been cursed, or something of his is cursed, and…”

“He told you?” James asks, surprising himself with the urgency of his tone. “He’s my best mate.”

“You sound like a thirteen year-old,” says Lily. “Trust me. There’s a reason he didn't tell you. I’m only trying to help.” James would swear she blushes a tiny bit, just like Teddy did.

“By asking me indecipherable questions?” Lily gives him a look over the top of her spectacles that’s so much like Gran he has an urge to sit up straight. “All right. I would tell the person to start a log. Begin with where they first noticed the magical effects. If they know when it happened or when they first picked up the object or came in contact with a possibly cursed object and start there, that’s preferable. Then note any time they notice anything out of the ordinary at all. The log might help identify patterns that would give clues. I’d also ask –”

“Here’s Albus,” Lily says, smiling at their brother.

James sighs and tries to put the fact that Teddy apparently trusts Lily more than he trusts him out of his head so he can enjoy his Thursday night.

**********

  
Saturday dinner at Teddy’s, when neither of them have plans, has been something of a tradition for as long as James can remember. Teddy is an outstanding cook, so the arrangement favours James just a bit. As James prepares to Apparate to Teddy’s front door, he feels a flutter of butterflies in his stomach. He’s hungry. He’s anxious to finally learn about whatever it is that Teddy sees fit to share with Lily but not with him. That’s more than enough to cause the butterflies. There is no reason to dwell upon the fact that the feeling is exactly the same as the one he used to get when he was fifteen and he knew he’d be seeing Teddy, alone, without any siblings or cousins, and most definitely without Victoire.

James opens the door to Teddy’s house and steps in, telling himself that it’s the same Teddy, his best mate since he could walk, no different than he was a week ago, a year ago, a decade ago.

“Smells very nice,” James says, inhaling rich, savoury scents.

“It’s a masterpiece,” Teddy says, coming out of the kitchen.

He’s wearing a midnight blue jumper, probably knitted by James’ mum. The deep blue sets off the silver in his hair and somehow makes his hazel eyes almost gold. His cheeks are flushed from the heat of the kitchen and he smiles as if James coming into his home is the best thing that’s happened to him all day. James takes a breath and tells himself to get a grip.

Teddy isn’t far wrong about the masterpiece bit – the food in incredible. “Have you been taking a course?” James says as he lift another bite of perfectly crisped and tender duck and a light, tasty potato soufflé to his mouth. The port is a bit sweeter than he would normally like with a meal, but the herby-savoury quality to the food pairs with it beautifully.

“No, just stealing some of Victoire’s mum’s recipes before Victoire takes her cookbooks.” Teddy smiles at him, a gentle, happy smile, and James has the distinct impression that Teddy is working up to saying something.

Never one to let a mate suffer, James says, “So, are you going to ask me?”

He takes another drink of the port. Dad has never given him or Albus or Lily alcohol. There are little things that set Teddy and Dad’s relationship apart, always have. James has always been aware of them – not jealous exactly, just aware.

Teddy looks mildly alarmed. “Ask you what?”

“Well, I had a most confusing conversation with Lily yesterday and I got the impression that whatever is bothering you might benefit from the help of a Curse Breaker, if only you knew one you could ask.”

“Oh, right,” he says, taking a sip of his own port. The smile is gone and is replaced by a shifty sort of expression that makes Teddy look like he’s up to something. “It’s been a week that I haven’t really slept.”

James feels his brows furrow in a frown. That’s not what he expected Teddy to say, but now that he mentions it, Teddy is still looking drawn and a bit pale, and older than usual. “House too quiet?”

“No, no,” says Teddy. “It’s not that. It’s dreams,” says Teddy. “Extremely vivid dreams.”

“Okay,” James says slowly. This is also not what he expected to hear. “And, you think there’s a curse involved somehow?”

“A week ago, I was reviewing the work of a group of trainees at a crime scene. The scene could only be described as bizarre and chaotic. It was a burglary, or so we thought at first.”

“It wasn’t?” James interrupts. He can’t help himself, he’s caught up in Teddy’s story. Teddy must have inherited his Gran’s talent for telling a story and keeping everyone enthralled. His Gran always said that it was a trait of the sane members of her family. The less-sane could tell a story, but it would make you want to run, she always said.

Teddy smiles at him and James’ stomach does that fluttering thing again, in anticipation of the story, surely.

“Not as such,” he says. “This was the third break-in in as many weeks. The other two seemed like ordinary burglaries at first as well. There were signs of forced entry and broken enchantments at a door or window. Ordinary items were out of place and a few things of particular value were missing.”

“How was this one different?”

“The only thing stolen this time was a broken clock. Other than that, the burglars seemed to revel in causing havoc more than anything else. They turned all of the drawers in the desk and the dressing table upside down. They switched the hot and cold taps. They charmed the kitchen cabinets to sing a few bars of A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love every time they were opened. They seemed to have had a snack while going through the cabinets, if the bottles of pumpkin juice and half-eaten ham sandwiches left on a chair were any indication.”

Teddy pauses and takes another sip of his port. His waves his wand and the empty plates and bowls on the table are gone. He waves it again and a cheese board appears in their place. “Now this,” he says, cutting a wedge of particularly ripe cheese, “is a perfect match with this.” He raises his glass again.

“What happened after you found the sandwiches?” James asks.

“Right,” Teddy says. James gets the impression that Teddy hoped he’d had enough port by now that he might forget why he was supposedly here. “The trainees had done a fine job of preserving evidence and securing anything dangerous, or so I thought. I was in a bedroom, making sure they hadn’t missed anything when a jewelry box flung it’s own lid open and all it’s contents came flying out.”

“Did anything hit you?”

Teddy rubs his forehead unconsciously. “A brooch nearly hit me in the head, but I ducked.”

Teddy talks with his hands and James notices his lack of wedding ring, and the slim, pale band of skin where it used to be. The only jewelry that Teddy’s wears is his watch. He’s worn it every day since his seventeenth birthday.

“Did you touch the box or anything that had been in it?” James asks.

Teddy rolls his eyes. “Do you think I’m an idiot? I haven’t made it to this age by touching objects that are meant to be inanimate and aren’t.”

“Just a thought, but sometimes a curse can be transferred to like objects. Meaning that if a jewelry box where cursed, the curse might contaminate any jewelry that comes in contact with the box or anything that was in it.”

“Well, I’ve certainly touched some of the pieces since, but the only jewelry I wear is my watch.”

“I should look at it,” says James.

“Feel free, but I only have the problem at night when I’m sleeping and that’s the only time I’m not wearing the watch,” says Teddy. “Now, I’ve a beautiful pudding and we've still half the port.”

An hour later, James is sleepy, full, and half-pissed, and he still hasn’t learned what dreams are causing those dark circles under Teddy’s normally bright eyes.

**********

  
James signs his name at the bottom of the parchment and finishes his letter to his grand-niece. All the various members of the next, and then the next, generation write to him for advice now and again – usually about school and sometimes about more interesting things. The fact that he has never had children seems to make the young ones more comfortable asking him for help where they wouldn’t ask their parents. This one, Lily and Alice Longbottom’s granddaughter, Hannah, is asking for help with her Defense Against the Dark Arts homework.

James flexes his fingers. He feels as if he has written to everyone he knows today and his hands are feeling it. That is one of the best things about being partially retired – he can take a day to catch up on things at home or do something else that interests him, and still have the weekend, and yet he still has his work to keep him sharp and feeling useful.

“Hiya,” calls Teddy’s voice from his front window.

James jumps up with surprise and he feels both unaccountably pleased and worried at the same time. Three o’clock on a Monday is not a time he expects to see Teddy, who is still working full time because he’s a stubborn and controlling bastard who can’t let go of his department.

“Come in,” James shouts and Teddy does just that. He still looks exhausted. His usually silver hair looks greyer and the lines on his face have deepened. Despite that, he still looks imposing and dashing in his uniform and James is about to tell him that, when Teddy flops in a very un-Deputy-Head-Auror fashion onto James’ sofa and lets out an explosive sigh.

“I’m knackered, mate,” says Teddy. “I haven’t slept properly in days. I hate to admit it, but I am too old for this shit.”

“You’re not too old for anything,” James says.

“Be that as it may, I could use a cup of tea,” Teddy says. He leans his head back so it rests on the back of the sofa, exposing a strong column of neck, lightly dusted with stubble. James wants to lick along that neck until his tongue feels the rough of the stubble.

James looks away. “Tea. Coming up.”

He steps into his kitchen and takes a deep breath. He settles into the comforting ritual of making tea. He hasn’t felt like this around someone for years. Decades. If he’s being honest, which he isn’t entirely comfortable with right now, the only person he’s felt like this around — heart pounding, stomach fluttering, palms sweating — is Teddy, and he’s way too bloody old for this. At least there’s no unwelcome erections at this age. That had been a great deal of fun at family events.

Tea made, inappropriate impulses moderately under control, James takes another deep breath and goes back to Teddy.

The light of late afternoon turns everything in the front room gold. He sets the tea tray down on the table very carefully and he sits in the chair across from Teddy, determined not to make a sound. Teddy is stretched out on the sofa, sound asleep. His breathing is even and deep and his face is a mask of utter relaxation. James feels sleepy just looking at him.

Teddy’s long legs stretch all the way to the end of the sofa. His cheek rests on his hand and his strong fingers curve around his face. The tense, worn look of just minutes ago has faded. His hair falls softly across his forehead and James’ fingers itch to brush it back.

James sits across from him, taking a cup of tea. He watches him sleep and he lets himself wonder how he got back to this place of wanting Teddy so badly he can feel it in his chest.

“Hey.”

James doesn’t remember dozing off in his chair, but he must have because Teddy’s voice just woke him up. He opens his eyes and Teddy is looking at him with such warmth that he feels it like a physical thing.

“Aren’t we a couple of old codgers, napping in our chairs?” says James.

“Speak for yourself. That’s the first time I’ve slept soundly since this whole thing started,” Teddy says, rubbing his hand over his hair. “Maybe it’s something that’s transferred to my house, if I can sleep here?”

James points his wand at the teapot and warms it. Teddy makes a face. James is not nearly so particular about his tea. “You don’t have to have any,” he says, refilling his cup. “It might have transferred to something in your house, although curses don’t usually work that way.” Teddy leans forward and takes a cup after all. He makes another face. “Here, are you ever going to tell me what the dreams are about?”

“I’m famished,” Teddy says. “Let’s get some dinner.”

*

Given that Teddy cannot sleep at home, given that James has a perfectly serviceable guest room, given that James is a good sort, it only makes sense for Teddy to kip at James’. James’ invitation has absolutely nothing to do with how James felt when Teddy said, reluctantly, that he should go.

It was perhaps, James reflects, short-sighted. Knowing that Teddy is just down the hall, in the bed where James has sex, when he has it, doesn’t seem like the best plan for James to get any sleep tonight. He turns onto his back, slips his hand into his pyjamas, and tries to remember the things he used to think about when he wanked, back when he let himself think of Teddy that way.

He must have fallen asleep again, because he’s wakened by a noise. Teddy calls out and James is on his feet and down the hall in a second. He peeks into the slightly ajar door and his breath catches. Teddy is shifting, restless on the bed. His lips are parted and he’s letting out breathless little gasps and whimpers. James starts in to wake him and stops when Teddy flips onto his stomach and rolls his hips, thrusting into the mattress.

“Christ,” mutters Teddy and James realises he’s not asleep. Teddy reaches down beneath his body and James tiptoes back to his room.

Back in his own bed, he won’t sleep again. He can’t stop hearing the little sounds Teddy made, seeing the way his arm muscles clenched when he started to stroke himself. James can’t stop imagining what it would be like, how it would feel, to be underneath Teddy as he writhes and thrusts.

**********

  
James sighs into Darius’ kiss. His hands roam over the strong, broad shoulders and down the warm back. Darius’ arse is a thing of beauty. He curves his hands around it and pulls Darius closer.

Darius breaks the kiss and starts to pull back. James closes his eyes. He doesn’t want to be thrown out of this moment. He doesn’t want to doubt why he’s here.

“Not that I’m complaining,” says Darius. “But what brought this on?”

It’s a fair question. Darius is a good friend and an on-again-off-again lover for many years, but not in recent years. One Saturday evening when he’d been seeing a lot of Darius, Teddy had pointed out that the long-term nature of James and Darius’ arrangement was remarkably close to an actual relationship. The next time James had been with Darius, he hadn’t been able to breathe. Darius is still a friend and he’s presumably still more than satisfactory in bed, and James can’t remember why exactly he thought he shouldn’t be able to have sex with the man now and again, as long as Darius was agreeable.

“Same as always,” James says. He reaches to undo Darius’ robe. The truth is, Darius is better company after a fuck, and a hell of a lot less effort, than going out to pull and starting up with someone new. That sounds awful enough even in his own head, that James stops at same as always.

“Just so we’re clear,” says Darius. “I’m still not your stand-in.”

That’s also fair. James knew Darius wanted more than their friendship years ago and they’d stopped seeing each other, because James has a rule about such things – never ever leave someone worse off than you found them. Never break a heart. Darius also had had the unfathomable impression that James had been in love with someone.

Somewhere deep down, in an uncomfortable part of James’ stomach, he realises that for maybe the second time ever, the person in danger of having his heart broken is James. And, he realises, this isn’t what he wants anymore.

“No,” says James. He takes Darius’ hand and squeezes it. “You’re not. You’re a good friend and I think we should just have a drink.”

**********

  
“You’re late,” says Albus.

“That’s rich, coming from you,” says James. Albus is late every other week.

“Don’t start,” Lily says, coming back from the bar with their drinks. “The first round’s on me, so you don’t have to argue about who got here first.”

“Someone’s tightly wound this evening,” Albus says, raising his eyebrows at James.

“All right, Lil?” James asks.

“Alice has been held up on her visit to her dad, and in her absence, I’ve decided it’s time to retire.”

Lily and Alice took over the running of Weasley Wizard Wheezes when Uncle George retired. Under their management, the place opened branches in Hogsmeade and Holyhead.

“You could go to a few days a week,” James says. “The business is doing brilliantly, and I’d reckon Hunter and Harry are ready to take over.”

Lily sighs. “I should probably wait until Alice gets back to make any major life decisions.”

“Here, speaking of major life decisions,” Albus says. “How’s Teddy?”

James works to control his expression. “What do you mean?” He asks mildly.

“He looked a right state last time I saw him,” Albus continues. “Is he having a rough time of it?”

James tells him about the curse and the dreams. Lily looks like she has something to say, but she takes a drink every time she opens her mouth. At this rate, she’s going to be pissed before James has finished his first drink.

“I haven’t worked it out yet,” James says. “There’s something I’m missing – maybe it something that took on the curse and is in Teddy’s house. It doesn’t all fit, though. This type of curse, to jewelry or a jewelry box is usually only powerful with objects that are meaningful, and the only likely object that Teddy was wearing was his watch, and he doesn’t wear it when he sleeps at night.”

“That watch is certainly meaningful,” Albus says.

“Remember when Dad gave it to him?” Lily asks.

James remembers when Dad gave it to him as if it were yesterday. Teddy’s seventeenth birthday dinner. James had by then noticed that he both avoided and craved being alone with Teddy, that he felt a wonderful and uncomfortable warmth whenever Teddy smiled at him. Dad asked Teddy to step outside with him for a moment. James watched through the kitchen window as Dad pulled a box out of his pocket and gave it to Teddy. Dad leaned close, explaining something to Teddy, who look enthralled. When they came back inside, both of them had suspiciously wet eyes and Teddy was wearing a handsome if battered watch that had belonged to his father. They smiled at each other with a depth of understanding that made James feel unaccountably melancholy. This was a space they shared that James could never enter.

“I remember,” said James. “Albus, how’s that new Seeker working out?”

**********

  
James wakes from a dead sleep. His head is spinning. He was dreaming about Teddy and wrist watches and dreams that make you writhe and whimper in your bed.

An idea, more like a memory, is forming in his head. He shakes himself to make himself come fully awake. A curse his dad told him about when he was training to be a curse breaker is slowly taking shape in his memory. The Dementor Curse, Dad had called it, developed by Death Eaters near the end of the second war with Voldemort. James remembers it because it was the first time his dad had told him about his encounters with Dementors in such detail. James struggles to remember the important bits. It makes the affected person dwell in unhappiness, not all the time, but when they are distracted or their mind is idle. Falling asleep could certainly qualify as being less than on-guard. The curse adheres to the inside of small, dark places – boxes, cabinets, clocks – and is released when the hiding place is opened. In all of his years of work, he’s never come across it.

He pulls himself from his bed and slips on his dressing gown. He pads down the hall to his guest room and lights the lamp with a flick of his wand. On the top shelf of his bookcase is a thick volume entitled Curious, Contemptible Curses and How to Break Them. He flips to the index and runs his thumb down a list of things that are enough to give anyone nightmares. It’s there, on page 387, The Dementor Curse. The chapter is short. It seems not much is known about the curse and its origins. It does mention nightmares as one of the effects. James skims the page for anything about how to break it.

The unfortunate person can protect themselves temporarily by wearing a powerful, positive object on the body. While an object to which the person ascribes happy memories can serve the function of the Patronus Charm with true Dementors, the effects of the curse return as soon as the person removes the object.

James keeps reading. How to break it must be here somewhere.

There have been three documented cases of the Dementor Curse. One person is in Azkaban, rendering the curse itself impotent and any attempts to break it irrelevant. Another person was so ill-tempered and pessimistic before he was cursed that the difference was minimal, both while under the curse and after a curse breaker attempted to end it. The third person was, by all reports, a happy and optimistic woman who had dedicated her life to animal welfare. She opened a snuff box one afternoon during her break at work only to find herself consumed with visions of her beloved tortoise turning into a cauldron of turtle soup. The curse seems to have been broken only when she visited the Magical Menagerie and, in the midst of an attack of the painful vision, sat down in a pen filled with baby Pigmy Puffs.

James pulls on his cloak and Apparates to Teddy’s.

*

Teddy’s sofa shows signs of a sleepless night. A blanket has been tossed aside and there are a book and a tumbler of whisky on the table. He looks exhausted. “What on earth?” Teddy asks, sitting back down and seeming to recover slightly from his surprise at finding James at his front door.

“I think I know what it is,” exclaims James.

“What?” Teddy says. He moves to one end of the sofa and gestures for James to sit.

“The Dementor Curse,” says James. “It’s something Dad told me about years ago and I’ve just now remembered it.”

“The Dementor Curse?” Teddy shivers slightly. He’s been to Azkaban for work enough to know that he wouldn’t want anything to do with them.

James sits, not at the opposite end of the sofa, closer to the middle. “It’s called that because it can take over a person when they are distracted or not on their guard and it works its way in to their mind and twists any cheerful, hopeful, or happy thoughts into misery.”

“But it’s only happening to me when I sleep,” says Teddy, frowning. “I suppose that means my mind is sharp and active one hundred percent of my waking hours.”

“You tell yourself that,”James says. “You fell asleep on my sofa. You weren’t alert then.”

“I was perfectly alert. Reflexes like a cat. I’d have sprung into action if there was any need,” Teddy says.

“You didn’t wake up when I made a cup of tea and sat across from you drinking it. I could have cursed you again,” James says. Teddy huffs a little laugh and James feels happier than he has in days.

“All right. Maybe it’s something in my house, then. Maybe something here is cursed.”

“If I’m right, it doesn’t work that way. The person who casts the curse places it in a hiding place and a person is cursed by stumbling across that hiding place. The curse is on you, not your house. Remember, you slept at mine and had a nightmare.”

“Are you sure it’s the Dementor Curse? It doesn’t seem —” Teddy stops and looks sideways at James. “Hang on. How did you know I had a dream at your place?”

“I heard you,” says James. He chooses for now to leave out that he also saw him. The colour in Teddy’s cheeks tells James he’s embarrassed enough without adding salt to the wound. “You never did tell me what the dreams are about,” says James.

Teddy sighs. “It’s a bit embarrassing.”

“I’ve known you my entire life and after everything we’ve gone through together, I don’t think much can surprise me.”

“Okay,” Teddy says. He sets his jaw, looks determined, and it makes him look less tired. “Some of the dreams are about me being at war. The ones our fathers were in. I always end up cornered and I can’t fight my way out. I wake up just as I hear someone I love screaming. I’d swear it’s my mum and dad, but of course I don’t really know what their voices sound like.”

“And the others?” James asks. Teddy’s lips turn into a thin line. “Come on, man. I mean, that’s awful. I’m sorry you’re having that dream and I do want to make sure we stop it, but you wouldn’t refuse to tell me about that and it wouldn’t make Lily blush.”

Teddy takes a breath. “I’m sure you’ve guessed by now.”

“I used to fancy you,” James says, before he can stop his mouth from moving. “But I know you know that,” he says quickly.

“I do know that,” Teddy says, slowly. “Why are you bringing it up now?”

“I’m wondering if it has something to do with why you told Lily but won’t tell me.”

“All right, all right,” Teddy says, looking resigned. “They’re about the best sex I’ve ever had, or at least it seems so based on my rapidly fading memory on the subject.”

“That doesn’t sound particularly like a torment,” James says, trying not to imagine what the best sex Teddy has ever had would be.

“It’s that the person I’m with always disappears – they either die or say something cruel and leave and, well, for some reason, the grief is overwhelming in the dream.” Teddy shudders and looks at the fireplace.

“Are they about Victoire?” For some reason, James feels a tightness in his chest.

“No, no, it’s not about Victoire at all. I’m fine about her now and this is a feeling of despair so deep I don’t think I’ll ever be cheerful again, and the feeling stays for a bit when I wake up — as if I don’t wake up fully right away. I suppose you must be right about the type of curse.”

“Are you going to tell me who you’re dreaming about?” James asks. He moves closer to Teddy on the sofa. He tries to makes his voice sound comforting, not as anxious as he feels. “It might help me to break the curse.”

“Before I tell you, answer me one question,” says Teddy. He glances at James and he bites the corner of his lip.

Teddy turns so he can face James and James feels his breath catch and his heart pound. James licks his lips and his heart pounds faster when Teddy’s gaze drops to his mouth.

“What’s that, then?” James asks.

“When did you stop?”

“When did I stop what?”

Teddy’s face warms with a gentle smile. He touches the back of James’ hand with one finger. “Fancying me,” says Teddy.

“Maybe I didn’t,” says James. He feels like a teenager. He’s both terrified and thrilled.

“Maybe that’s good,” Teddy says, and it’s not a question.

James moves first. They are so close, he doesn’t have to move far. He leans in and touches his lips to Teddy’s. Teddy makes a soft sound and presses in closer.

“Did you know that I fancy you?” Teddy says. He places his hand on James’ thigh and James feels it tingle through his body.

James tries to remember if he ever thought Teddy could fancy him. There were moments. There were looks and comments and jokes when James wondered. But he’d always been with Victoire and he’d always been out of reach, so James had tucked it all away and pretended he was fine, just fine.

“No,” says James. “I didn’t, but I’d like to hear more about it.”

Teddy’s mouth is back on his and James sighs as he feels Teddy’s tongue trace his lips. He opens to him and shifts closer to Teddy when the tips of their tongues touch. Teddy’s hand moves up his thigh, rubbing and kneading the muscle, sending waves of pleasure through his body. James angles his head and deepens the kiss. He slides his tongue along Teddy’s, reveling in the velvet softness and heat of Teddy’s mouth. He slides his hand into Teddy’s hair. It’s still thick and it’s soft and he can feel Teddy’s breath quickening.

“I’m definitely too old to do this on the sofa,” says Teddy. His smile and the hungry look in his eyes make James’ stomach swoop to his knees. “Come to bed.”

Teddy stands and pulls James up with him, by the hand. James isn’t ready to move yet, he wants more, wants to hear more about how what he’s wanted all his life can actually be his.

“Tell me more about how you want me,” James says.

Teddy’s arms come around James’ waist. “I want you,” Teddy says. “I’ve always wondered — never mind.”

James shuts him up with another kiss. He doesn’t want to dwell on decades of lost time. He knows Teddy can’t regret Victoire, and he doesn’t want him to, but he also doesn’t want to hear that if only he’d said something, things might have been different.

Teddy curls his tongue around James’, exploring every bit of his mouth. Their bodies are pressed together and James can feel his cock start to fill, a low, slow burn that’s starting to build. No, he definitely doesn’t want to think about what might have been. He doesn’t want to think about actually having Teddy when they were young, when he was hard if someone said Teddy’s name, when he could come in the shower in three seconds if he pictured Teddy’s face. He wants this. He wants the slow, bone-deep desire that stirs in his stomach first, that fills his chest, that builds until he’s hard and ready and lasts until his heart is pounding and he’s dizzy with exertion. He wants to take his time.

Teddy slips his hands under James’ shirt and James shivers at the contact of Teddy’s fingers with his skin. Teddy slides his hand up James’ back and Teddy’s watch strap scratches his skin.

“Your watch,” says James.

Teddy, regrettably, removes his lips from James’ neck. “What?” He asks, blinking at James.

“Your watch,” James repeats. “You have worn it every single day since you were seventeen. It’s the only thing that’s always the same during the day and different at night.”

“Okay,” Teddy says. “You want to talk about my watch-wearing habit now?”

“When you fell asleep on my sofa, you were wearing the watch,” says James deliberately.

“And I didn’t have the dreams,” Teddy says, finishing James’ thought.

“It’s your watch.”

“My watch is the Patronus to this curse’s Dementor,” Teddy says. He pulls his arm from around James and touches the face of his watch.

“I’ll work out how to break it, I promise, but until then…”

“I won’t take off my watch,” says Teddy. “It’ll be good to get some sleep.” He looks happy and relieved and so very handsome that James has to look away for a second.

“But not tonight,” says James, looking back at him.

Teddy grins and James is hit again by how much better this is than it would have been when they were boys. They know each other so well. They know themselves and there is no doubt that this is where they both want to be right now. “No,” he says. “Not tonight.”

He takes James’ hand and leads him down the hall to the bedroom. As James steps across the threshold, he feels that flutter in his stomach. After all these years, part of him wants to tackle Teddy to the bed, push him down and kiss him and fuck him until he can’t begin to remember nightmares about wars and sex with anyone else, and being left. Part of him wants to slow this down, make it last all night.

“Tell me about the dream.”

“What? Seriously? I thought we were tabling this topic for now,” Teddy says, a bemused expression on his face as he starts to take off his jumper.

“You never did tell me who it is,” James says. He watches as Teddy’s jumper is followed by his shirt. Teddy is strong and tall. He’s a little softer around the middle than he was last time James saw him without a shirt and the hair on his chest is the same silver as his hair. James wants to feel the warmth of that skin and softness of that hair on his cheek.

“I think you know who it is.”

“So tell me. I want to hear it. I want to help you break the curse,” says James, remembering what the book said. “I want to know the dream when I see it and end it.”

“I thought we weren’t sleeping tonight and I’m not in the least distracted, and are you serious — you’re working right now?” Teddy asks. His calm confidence falters and James realises that Teddy wants this as much as he does.

“Idiot,” says James. He steps closer to Teddy and takes his hand. “What do I do in the dream?”

“I told you.” Teddy squeezes James’ hand back. “You leave and break my heart.”

“I’m not leaving. What do I do before that?” says James. “Tell me, Teddy.”

“It always starts the same way,” says Teddy. “You push me against the wall and you kiss me, slow and deep.”

“Then what?” James asks quietly. He steps closer so his chest is nearly touching Teddy’s and their knees knock against each other.

“Then you take off my clothes and you push me on the bed.”

Teddy’s breath catches as James flicks open the button on Teddy’s trousers. He slips his hands down under the waist band and pushes the trousers and pants down. Teddy kicks them the rest of the way off. James has seen Teddy naked more times than he can count in their lives, but he’s never let himself really look, and he’s always been worried about being caught.

He puts his hand on Teddy’s chest and pushes gently, backing him up to the bed. Teddy’s legs hit the mattress and his sits down.

“Then?” James asks.

“Well, in the dream, you always start out naked,” says Teddy. He looks James up and down. “Catch up.”

James laughs and he sheds his clothes. “All right,” he says once he’s standing in front of Teddy, nude. It comes out closer to a question than he meant. He’s fit and he’s been told enough times that he’s not bad for a bloke his age that he shouldn’t be nervous, but it’s never felt this important before.

“God, you’re beautiful, Jamie,” says Teddy.

James moves so that he’s standing right in front of Teddy. He’s fully hard now and Teddy is looking at him as if he’d like to eat him. James shivers under his gaze. “What happens next?”

“Then you’re on top of me and I can feel you from my chest to my toes,” says Teddy. He shifts back to the middle of the bed and lies back. James follows him.

“Yeah?” James says as he moves over Teddy, and lowers himself so that he can feel Teddy under him, feel his desire building and his heart beating. His skin is as warm and soft as James had imagined and James feel a rush as his pulse quickens and he has to move his body.

“Yeah,” murmurs Teddy. “And you move and your lips are on my chest.” James twists so he can press his lips to Teddy’s chest. His skin tastes salty and clean and James kisses his way down until he laves his tongue over a nipple. “Yes, like that.” Teddy gasps and arches, pressing harder into James’ mouth. “And I can feel you getting hard and your cock slides against my skin.”

“I’m already hard,” says James, rolling his hips so Teddy can feel his hard cock slide against his thigh.

“Jamie,” gasps Teddy.

His hands are on James’ arse, smoothing over it, teasing a finger along his cleft.

“And?” James asks. He’s dizzy. He can’t remember the last time he felt so desperate, so ready to come, and do it again.

“Fuck, and I thrust up against you and I’m hard and I want to fuck you, I want you to fuck me, but I don’t want you to stop what you’re doing now.”

James starts to ask if this is still the dream, but decides it doesn’t really matter. Teddy’s cock is thick and hard and it rubs along his own. He kisses his way back up Teddy’s chest, stopping to lick and nip at the spots that usually make James’ lovers sigh and writhe.

“Do I fuck you?”James asks. He doesn’t let Teddy answer right away. He covers Teddy’s mouth with his and rocks his hips, thrusting against Teddy in time to the smooth slide of his tongue in and out of Teddy’s mouth. Teddy arches up again, taking control of the kiss. James melts against him.

“Not yet,” Teddy gasps. “You can’t stop either, and we’re so close, but it’s not enough, so you move next to me and wrap your fingers around my cock.”

James slides off Teddy, lies next to him, pressing his body all along Teddy’s side. He smoothes his hand over Teddy’s stomach and wraps his fingers around Teddy’s cock. He strokes, slowly from base to tip and watches, rapt, as Teddy’s eyes flutter shut. He could watch Teddy’s face like this all night.

“Do I bring you off like this?” James asks. He squeezes and moves his hand firmly on Teddy’s cock, and holy hell, it bigger than James knew. But he supposes he’s never seen Teddy this hard before and he’s never got to feel the girth of it in his hand. As much as he wants more, now, he half hopes the answer is yes, he does bring Teddy off like this, so he can watch every shiver of muscle and expression of bliss on his face.

“Yes, but I wrap my fingers around yours. Fuck, James. Like this.” Teddy urges James head down, his mouth back to Teddy’s chest. “You stroke me and I stroke you, and your mouth, your mouth is on my chest, and you bite, just a little.”

“Yeah?” James says because he doesn’t have any other words.

He leans up on one elbow so he can get a better angle to press his mouth to Teddy’s chest, closing his lips around a nipple. He sucks lightly and when Teddy moans, he scrapes a little with his teeth. Teddy slides his hand between their bodies and takes James cock in hand. The first, deliberate, touch of Teddy’s hand on him makes his hips jerk and for a moment, he thinks he’s going to come. Teddy laughs, breathy and rough, and strokes James.

“Then what,” James asks, his lips moving against Teddy’s skin. It’s all that he can do to speak, with Teddy’s hand moving on him, bringing him closer and closer, but he wants to know, wants to keep Teddy talking.

“And I beg you to fuck me, but you tell me you’ll do it later and you stroke harder and faster.” James moves his hand faster, watching it on Teddy’s beautiful cock. He tightens his grip when his hand reaches the head and Teddy starts to thrust up, fucking his fist. “It’s perfect and I’m so close, and then you leave,” Teddy says. He opens his mouth on a gasp and bites his lip.

“I’m not leaving,” James says. “I’m not.” The part of the dream he needs to hear, wants to hear, is over. He rolls onto his back, pulling Teddy with him, so that Teddy is on top of him. This is his fantasy, Teddy on top of him pressing him into the bed.

Teddy looks down at him. “I know,” he says, and then he breathes James’ name and kisses him.

James lets himself melt into Teddy’s bed and let the kiss take him over. He’s never been kissed so thoroughly. Teddy’s body slides against his until they fit perfectly. They move together, breathing together, heat and friction building between them. James’ cock is pressed against his stomach, sliding against Teddy’s skin. Teddy’s cock slips between James’ thighs, nudging his balls and driving him to distraction with each thrust.

“Jamie, fuck,” Teddy groans.

James can feel that Teddy’s close and he concentrates on every movement, every sound. He’s wanted this moment for so long. Teddy’s body jerks and his mouth is against James’ throat, teeth sinking, just the right side of painful, into James neck as he moans and James feels him come.

“God, Teddy,” James breathes. He thrusts against Teddy’s body, heavy on him. His cock is aching and he’s desperate to come.

Teddy shifts to the side and wraps his hand around James again. It doesn’t take long, with Teddy looking down at him with those hazel eyes, his silver hair falling around his flushed face, and his hand moving in perfect rhythm on James’ cock.

“Yes,” Teddy says. “Yes, come, Jamie.”

James can’t help but close his eyes as he feels his orgasm wash over him. Teddy stays with him, kissing him and stroking him, until it’s almost too much. James covers Teddy’s hand with his and Teddy stills. Teddy presses his forehead to James’ and they don’t move for the time it take to draw three breathes.

“That was, Teddy, that was brilliant,” says James. His limbs feel like lead and he’s not sure he’ll ever move again.

“Yeah,” says Teddy. “I suppose the question is, do you think that did it?” Teddy asks, kissing the shell of James’ ear.

“Maybe,” James says, laughing softly. James starts to say that it probably didn’t break the curse because Teddy wasn’t in the middle of an episode, and he should keep his watch on for now so he can get some sleep. The clear part of his mind thinks that talking about technicalities right now is probably misguided.

“We can always try again, if it didn’t,” Teddy says. It’s half a statement and half a question, and James can’t help the smile that spreads on his face.

“That we can,” says James, so that Teddy knows he wants this to be more than a one off.

Teddy relaxes back onto the bed and James curls into his side. He notes, with some interest and very little surprise, that he has no desire to get back to his own bed, alone. James rests his head on Teddy’s chest.

Teddy’s fingers caress James’ hair and his arm is around James, holding him close. James feels sated, sleepy, and content. He closes his eyes and notices that Teddy’s breathing is becoming deep and even.

“Mm, you settled, then?” Teddy asks, his words thick with impending sleep.

James throws his arm across Teddy’s torso, wanting nothing more than to sleep, wrapped up in this man he’s wanted since he knew what wanting meant. He wants to sleep and then he wants to wake up next to him, their bodies pressing against each other. “Yes,” says James. “I am.”


End file.
